50+ Ways to Be More Self-Sufficient and Stop Relying on Others
It’s time to take control of your life and be more independent
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Medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOSMedically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS
Whether it's leaning on others for advice, emotional validation, financial support, or help with daily tasks, we all need support sometimes. Maybe it's from our parents, partners, friends, or other people in our lives—it’s comforting to have someone to turn to. On the flip side, it can be easy to fall into a cycle of dependence, and before we realize it, this reliance can start to hold us back.
The truth is, it’s important to learn how to be self-sufficient. Taking charge of our own lives can help us build the confidence we need to stand on our own two feet. Knowing that we can take care of ourselves and our needs can help us feel more empowered and independent.
“You are the only person who is going to be around for every moment of your life and the person who will have to deal with the impact of each of your decisions. The more you develop your self-sufficiency skill set, the more you can rely on yourself in any situation,” says Nikki Innocent, a holistic life, career, and leadership coach.
In this article, we explore the benefits of self-sufficiency and ask the experts for some strategies on how to be more independent—emotionally, practically, and financially speaking.
At a Glance
Tired of always relying on others? It’s time to break free from that cycle. Being more self-sufficient can help you be more confident, independent, and resilient.
Whether it’s your finances, relationships, or daily tasks, it’s important to start taking responsibility for yourself. You may make mistakes occasionally, but it’s all part of the learning process. Be patient with yourself and keep at it, you’ll be a pro in no time. You’ve got this!
Related: 8 Things to Do If You're Feeling Helpless
Benefits of Being More Autonomous
These are some of the benefits of being self-sufficient:
Problem-solving abilities: Learning to tackle challenges on our own strengthens our problem-solving abilities, helping us find solutions.
Confidence: Knowing we can handle challenges and take care of ourselves boosts our confidence and self-esteem.
Independence: Self-sufficiency gives us the power to determine the outcome of our lives and make decisions that are best for us, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “Without it, the people we are dependent on tend to take priority before us and most of our decisions are filtered through what works for them, often putting our needs on the backburner.”
Resilience: By managing our own needs, we become more adaptable and better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs.
Personal growth: Taking responsibility for ourselves teaches us new skills. Though we may make mistakes, we learn from them and discover our strengths and weaknesses.
Identity: Without a sense of self-sufficiency, many folks disappear into the identities, goals, and preferences of those around them, says Innocent. “Codependency and enmeshment are slippery slopes to losing ourselves and before we know it we’re participating in dysfunctional relationships and operating out of alignment with our values, needs and desires.”
Authenticity: Self-sufficiency allows us to live a more authentic life that is aligned with our values, instead of sacrificing and suppressing our needs to preserve our relationship with the person we are dependent on, says Dr. Romanoff.
Financial stability: Reducing our dependence on others can lead to financial independence and security.
Empowerment: The ability to take care of ourselves empowers us to pursue our dreams and goals without being held back by dependency.
Equitable relationships: When we are self-reliant, our relationships become healthier, as we’re able to contribute equally without feeling like we’re burdening others.
Satisfaction: Achieving our goals independently brings a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
Mental health: Increased self-sufficiency is linked to better well-being and lower rates of mental health conditions like depression and substance use.
"You are the only person who is going to be around for every moment of your life. The more you develop your self-sufficiency skill set, the more you can rely on yourself in any situation."
Nikki Innocent, Life Coach
Related: Overcoming Failure to Launch Syndrome: Your Guide to Independence
How to Develop Self-Sufficiency
Becoming more self-sufficient involves gradually building skills and habits that allow you to rely on yourself more and others less. Here’s how you can start:
Embrace solitude: Spend time alone to reflect, recharge, and connect with yourself. Being comfortable in your own company is a key aspect of self-sufficiency.
Increase your self-awareness: Innocent recommends getting to know yourself better and learning your strengths and weaknesses, so you have an idea of where you can rely on yourself and when you might need support or help from others.
Set clear goals: Identify specific areas where you want to be more self-sufficient, whether it's managing your finances, making decisions, or handling everyday tasks. Setting actionable goals will give you a clear roadmap to follow.
Start small: Break your goals into smaller steps and focus on achieving one step at a time. This will make the process less daunting and you’ll find that your confidence increases with each step.
Build your skills: Focus on developing the skills that you need to meet your goals, whether it’s cooking, cleaning, budgeting, investing, or changing the oil in your car. The more capable you become, the less you'll need to depend on others.
Tackle challenges on your own: Practice tackling challenges on your own by researching solutions, weighing your options, and making decisions without immediately seeking help or advice from others.
Develop a growth mindset: Embrace a growth mindset, which essentially means believing you can learn or accomplish things on your own if you just put in the effort. Instead of letting mistakes or challenges deter you, see them as learning opportunities that will help you get better.
Seek out learning experiences: Intentionally seek learning experiences around things that are of interest to you or are necessary for you to lead the life you want, says Innocent.
Create a supportive environment: Surround yourself with people who encourage your independence rather than fostering dependency. It's important to have a support system that respects your journey towards self-sufficiency.
Celebrate your wins: Celebrate each win, no matter how small it is. Every step you take toward self-sufficiency builds confidence and momentum.
Strategies for Building Self-Sufficiency in Different Areas of Life
It’s important to build self-sufficiency in all the different aspects of your life. Here are some strategies that may be helpful.
In Relationships
Self-sufficiency in relationships doesn't mean isolation. Rather, it's about finding a balance between independence and interdependence. Here's how to cultivate it:
Don’t lose yourself in relationships: Resist the temptation to make another person your whole world, says Dr. Romanoff. Whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship, it’s easy to get swept away, particularly in the early stages. “It’s important to actively keep the other buckets of your life full by actively prioritizing your work, health, family, and friendships in order to maintain a balance.”
Cultivate your own interests: Make time for activities that you enjoy doing independently of your partner, family, or friends. This not only enriches your life but also gives you a sense of individuality.
Build your decision-making skills: Practice making decisions independently, even in small matters. This boosts your confidence and reduces the need to seek constant validation from others.
Divide responsibilities equitably: If you live with a partner, friends, or family members, divide chores, household tasks, and responsibilities equally. Do your share and ask others to do the same. This promotes fairness and reduces resentment.
Work on emotional independence: Learn to process your emotions and manage stress on your own, rather than relying solely on others, such as your partner or parents, for comfort or reassurance. Dr. Romanoff recommends sitting with yourself every so often and becoming more aware of the emotional needs you attempt to soothe or get met from others.
Maintain your friendships: Strong friendships provide support and perspective. Invest time and energy into maintaining them.
Reflect on your relationship dynamics: Regularly assess how much you’re relying on your partner or friends for validation, decision-making, or emotional support. Adjust your behavior if you notice an imbalance.
Encourage mutual growth: Support your partner or friends in their journey towards self-sufficiency as well. A relationship where both parties are independent yet connected tends to be healthier and more fulfilling.
Set healthy boundaries: Establish clear boundaries about what you’re comfortable with in terms of time, space, and emotional support. This helps you maintain both your independence and your relationships.
In Finances
Financial self-sufficiency involves taking control of your finances and ensuring you have the resources to meet your needs without relying on others. Here’s how you can work towards it:
Understand your finances: Start by tracking your income and expenses. You should know how much money you have, where it is kept, and how much you earn and spend every year.
Make a budget: Plan your finances for the year and allocate expenses for your needs, savings, and discretionary spending. A clear budget helps you see where your money is going and ensures you’re living within your means.
Pay off debt: Focus on reducing and eventually paying off any debt, especially high-interest debt like credit card fees. Being debt-free is a significant aspect of financial self-sufficiency.
Save regularly: Make saving a habit. Try to make sure you save a certain percentage of your income every month. Even small contributions can grow into a significant nest egg if you’re consistent. The sooner you start, the better.
Invest wisely: Learn the basics of investing and consider putting your money into assets like stocks, bonds, or mutual funds. The right investments can help your money grow faster than it would in a savings account.
Diversify your income: If possible, diversify your income streams by having more than one source of income, to reduce your financial risk. This could involve freelancing, starting a side business, or investing in rental properties.
Avoid lifestyle creep: As your income increases, resist the temptation to upgrade your lifestyle significantly. Instead, focus on living comfortably within your means and saving or investing the balance.
Cut back on your expenses: Keep an eye on your spending habits and cut back on unnecessary purchases. Redirect those savings towards paying off debt or building your savings and investments.
Be wary of debt: Be cautious about taking on new debt, especially for non-essential purchases. If you do need to borrow money, make sure it’s for a very good reason and have a clear plan to repay it quickly.
Maintain an emergency fund: Set aside some money for unexpected situations or expenses. Try to put aside at least six months’ worth of living expenses for a rainy day.
Plan for retirement: Start saving for retirement as early as possible, even if it’s just a small amount every month.
In Daily Tasks and Responsibilities
Building self-sufficiency in daily chores and tasks involves developing the skills you need to look after yourself. Here are some tips that may come in handy:
Create a routine: Establish a daily or weekly schedule for tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. A routine helps ensure that everything gets done regularly and keeps things from piling up to a point where they become unmanageable.
Learn basic skills: If you’re not confident in your abilities, take the time to learn. For example, mastering simple cooking techniques, understanding how to do laundry properly, or learning basic home maintenance can save you a lot of time and money.
Organize your space: Keep your living and working spaces organized can help ensure that tasks are easier to manage. Decluttering and having a place for everything can help you be more efficient.
Set realistic timeframes: Allocate enough time for each of your chores to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Otherwise you’ll be scrambling to try and get everything done.
Work your way up to more challenging tasks: Start with small, manageable tasks and gradually take on more responsibilities. For example, you can begin by preparing one meal a day, then work up to cooking all your meals for the week.
Build consistency: Consistency is key to building self-sufficiency. Stick to your routines and habits, even when it feels easier to skip them. With time, these tasks will become like second nature to you and you’ll be able to do them effortlessly.
Solve problems independently: When something goes wrong—like a burnt meal or a flat tire—try to solve the issue on your own first. This will help you build your problem-solving skills and improve your confidence.
Have fun: Find ways to make chores more enjoyable, like listening to music or podcasts while you clean or cooking a new recipe that excites you. This can make daily tasks feel less like a chore and more like a rewarding activity.
Related: How to Stop Being Codependent
Overcoming Challenges to Self-Sufficiency
If you’re finding it hard to become more self-sufficient, these are some strategies that may help:
Identify the problem: Start by recognizing the specific challenges you’re facing, whether they’re related to lack of skills, time constraints, emotional barriers, or financial limitations. Understanding the cause of the problem is the first step toward overcoming it.
Overcome fear of failure: Fear of failing or making mistakes can prevent you from taking the steps you need to move forward. While it’s okay to be scared, don’t let your fears paralyze you and hold you back.
Set realistic expectations: Understand that becoming fully self-sufficient takes time. Keep your expectations realistic and be patient with yourself during this process.
Seek knowledge and skills: If a lack of knowledge or skills is holding you back, commit to learning. Take classes, read books, watch tutorials, or seek mentorship. Becoming more competent in the areas where you feel inadequate will boost your confidence.
Manage your time effectively: Time management can be a significant challenge. Learn to prioritize important tasks and avoid procrastinating. Effective time management can help you balance your responsibilities without becoming overwhelmed.
Practice self compassion: Release the need to be perfect, says Innocent. “If you aren’t used to being self-sufficient it can be hard and scary, but the mountain isn’t as high or hard to climb as it seems when you first start. Make it a point to notice the small moments of progress and celebrate your wins, whether it’s the first time you change your own oil or do your own taxes.”
Prepare for pushback: There will be people who are used to your lack of self-sufficiency and have benefitted from your lack of boundaries or self-directed action, says Innocent. “As you become more self-sufficient that will come with boundaries and behavior changes that will have you showing up differently in your life and relationships. Those who truly care about you and your well-being may have a hard time with the change but will ultimately want what’s best for you.”
Find an accountability partner: Innocent recommends finding someone who is working toward similar goals as you, so you can share your experiences, motivate each other, and be accountable to one another.
Build a support system: While self-sufficiency is about relying on yourself, it’s also important to have a support system. Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth and independence, and who can offer advice or guidance when needed.
Prioritize self-care: Prioritize your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercise, nutrition, and time to relax. When you’re well-rested, healthy, and emotionally balanced, you’re better equipped to tackle challenges.
Document your progress: Innocent recommends tracking your progress by making note of the independent things you do in a day or a week. “Write about how it makes you feel, what challenges came up, and how common situations played out differently.”
Maintaining Self-Sufficiency
Maintaining self-sufficiency takes effort, adaptability, and a proactive approach to managing your life. Here are some ways you can do it:
Be consistent: Maintain the habits and routines that support your self-sufficiency. Think of your self-sufficiency like a muscle—you need to keep using it for it to remain functional, says Innocent.
Practice self-reflection: Periodically reflect on your journey towards self-sufficiency. Consider what’s working, what isn’t, and where you can improve.
Continuously learn and grow: Self-sufficiency is an evolving process. Keep learning new skills, whether they’re related to home maintenance, finances, or personal development. This approach will help you update your skills and abilities as required.
Celebrate your independence: Recognize and celebrate the ways you’ve maintained your self-sufficiency. Whether it’s a financial milestone, a new skill, or simply managing your daily tasks effectively, acknowledging your achievements can boost your morale.
Seek balance: Even as you’re being self-sufficient, it’s important to notice when you need support from others, says Innocent. “What we’re doing here is building a self-sufficiency muscle, but it only operates in a healthy, functional way when you have a strong connection/collaboration muscle in your toolkit as well.”
Related: How Important Is Alone Time for Mental Health?
Keep in Mind
Trying to be more self-sufficient can feel daunting, but remember, it's about progress, not perfection. We all rely on others at times, but building the capacity to handle life's challenges on our own is empowering. By taking small steps and learning new skills, you can gradually shift your dependence from others to yourself. It’s all about finding that inner strength. You know you’ve got it!
Read Next: Self Efficacy and Why Believing in Yourself Matters
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
