Aging wisdom from Dr. Phil: Ask yourself, 'How is that working for you?'

Dr. Phil, an American television personality, author and psychologist, is famous for asking the question, “How is that working for you?”

As a counselor, he asks people to consider if their thoughts and actions are getting the results they are looking for. For example, if you are angry all the time, even though you may feel justified, it will not work for you in the long run.

Anger does not fix problems; it creates them.

As we grow older, it is more important than ever to ask ourselves, “How is that working for me?”

If you insist that you don’t need a hearing aid but can’t hear people on the phone, is that working for you? Is it wise to refuse to move from your three-story home when you can no longer negotiate the stairs to the basement for laundry or upstairs to the bedroom?

If your strong sense of independence keeps you from accepting help from another person, is that prudent?

The bottom line is if your inflexible attitude creates a problem in your life, it is not working for you.

Hermann Hesse, Nobel prize winner, says, “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

I’ve quoted Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, quite often, but his understanding of aging is highly beneficial. For example, he says, “We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the programme of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.”

There is a good chance that our gifts and talents that served us well in our younger years may not serve us now. If being an independent, self-sufficient, autonomous, outspoken, type-A person got you to the top of your career, it probably will not play well as you age.

I like to say the seed of your destruction is in your gifts. If you’ve been a thriving, high-achieving performer all your life and you come to a point where you need to accept some help, what was once a gift can now be a detriment to your life.

Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.

My husband and I once went to see the theater production of "Grumpy Old Men." Created as a romantic comedy, it is the perfect example of old age magnifying the most negative traits.

We can laugh, but it happens too often to men and women. So many of our traits become exaggerated as we age. So, as we survey our lives at our current age, are the right qualities being amplified?

It’s worth asking ourselves regularly, “Is this working for me?”

Find Connie's book, "Daily Cures: Wisdom for Healthy Aging," at www.justnowoldenough.com.

This article originally appeared on Topeka Capital-Journal: Dr. Phil's aging wisdom: Ask yourself, 'How is that working for you?'