Cerabino: Welcoming Sean Hannity to Palm Beach and "free state of Florida"

Have you heard the big news? Sean Hannity is now a full-fledged Floridian.

“We are now beginning our first broadcast from my new home, and that is in the free state of Florida,” the Fox News fixture announced earlier this month.

The “free state of Florida?” Hmm. Where the heck is that?

When I first moved here, men were fined $500 if they were caught jogging in the Town of Palm Beach without wearing a T-shirt. It took one topless male jogger $25,000 of his own money to get the town’s law against topless jogging declared unconstitutional.

Hannity bought a $5.3 million townhouse on Palm Beach, a town that is anything but a bastion of free-spirited living.

Until recently, Palm Beach’s main ocean beach lacked a public restroom. It helped to keep outsiders away. Or maybe it was part of a pee-in-the-ocean freedom initiative.

I hope Hannity doesn’t think he can just broadcast his radio show from his home in Palm Beach. The town doesn’t allow residents to operate home businesses.

As for repairs and landscaping during the season, no outside work at your home may begin earlier than 8 a.m. or extend beyond 5 p.m. on weekdays on Palm Beach. And all work is banned on weekends and holidays.

In other freedom news, Palm Beach has strict hours for operating tennis ball machines. Leaf blowers must display inspection stickers that verify passing noise-level testing.

And the town police use license plate recognition software to do surveillance on vehicles driving in and out of town.

Also, don’t look for any greenmarkets in town, Sean. Palm Beach discourages them because they could attract people from outside town.

You know, people in search of artisanal honey, macrame and orchids. In other words, middle-class riffraff.

I guess Hannity has no idea that his new freedom oasis is perhaps the most over-governed, rules-happy, nanny state in Florida — not some haven for self-professed liberty magnets.

Just ask Donald Trump. The town famously sued him for flying an American flag at Mar-a-Lago that didn’t meet the size restrictions set up by the town.

And it wouldn’t let Trump build a boat dock behind Mar-a-Lago, which would have come in handy in the event of a speedy watery escape from the feds.

Speaking of getting away, Sean, if you ever decided to sell your Palm Beach home, the real estate sign you’re allowed to display can’t be more than 40 square inches. So, for example, if your sign is 6 inches by 7 inches, that’s too big.

But welcome, anyway. Although, I hardly think it’s news that another loudmouth from Long Island has moved to Florida.

I did it in 1984, and it had nothing to do with Joe Biden. In fact, New Yorkers have been moving to Florida in droves since the invention of air conditioning.

The migration really heated up about 60 years ago when Red Buttons advertised cheap condos in Century Village.

So, you’re not exactly a rugged pioneer, Sean.

And who knows? You may be surprised to find that in its totality, the “free state of Florida” is cheap — but it certainly isn’t free in both ideological and economic terms.

Sink holes, hurricanes, flooding due to climate change and excessive fraudulent claims have made home insurance rates soar in Florida.

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Miami has now surpassed San Francisco and Los Angeles with the highest rents in the country, while skyrocketing rents and new housing geared mostly for young retirees with seven-figure savings are pricing out the working middle class in other areas of the state including Palm Beach County, Tampa and Orlando.

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis likes to talk about the “free state of Florida” too, but mostly just to people from other states who don’t know any better.

Here in Florida, DeSantis is cementing a legacy based on restricting freedoms — in everything from reproductive rights of women, to academic independence in state universities, to restrictions in public information, voting rights, and books available in school libraries.

But on the bright side, we still have the early bird special, and kids eat for free sometimes at Denny’s.

And now you’re here, Sean, a living, breathing, freedom-seeking missile of misinformation, who will help fill a gaping chasm of Florida-based, right-wing gasbaggery that was created by the passing of Rush Limbaugh.

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And your new home is conveniently just 2.5 miles south of despot central at Mar-a-Lago.

That’s almost close enough for you to be delivered on demand via pneumatic tube to Trump’s feet.

If only the town would allow it.

Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with The Palm Beach Post, which is part of the Gannett Newspapers chain.

This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: Sean Hannity seeks "freedom" in Florida. So why move to Palm Beach?