14 Therapist-Approved Tips for Overcoming Disappointment
The let down hurts, but it's ok to feel your feelings
Disappointment is a normal part of life, and something we're told again and again we'll have to endure, but we don't always acknowledge how mentally crushing it can truly be. Just the other day, I made a major mistake at work, and I spent the next two days with the ickiest feeling in my gut. My sleep was a mess for days. In this case, the disappointment was in myself, but there are so many variations of the experience.
Disappointment could be work-related, disappointment tied to a relationship or a bad date, or disappointments that pop up during the normal course of everyday life. Whatever the case, disappointment is one of the most natural human emotions that many people find difficult to manage.
“As a therapist, I understand that disappointment can be challenging for many people because it often taps into deeper feelings of inadequacy, loss, and unmet expectations,” says Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder and CEO at Meridian Counseling.
It's important to come up with ways to cope with this feeling because if you don’t address it, it can snowball and lead to bigger mental health challenges. “Disappointment can shake our sense of control and trigger emotional responses that can lead to anxiety, anger, or sadness,” Kushnir says.
Here, we’ll look at disappointment and why it’s essential to address. Then, we’ll share a detailed list of therapist-approved tips for managing disappointment when it strikes.
Related: The Expectations vs. Reality Trap
Healthy Ways to Deal With Disappointment
If there’s one comfort here, it’s that if you’re dealing with a heavy dose of disappointment, you are far from alone. “Disappointment is common to all, whether personally, professionally, or in social circumstances,” April Crowe, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker at Paramount Wellness Retreat. “It is something most people have to live with despite its overwhelming and demotivating nature.”
However, it’s not something that you should let linger and fester for too long, and we don’t want disappointment to become our identity. One of the best ways to manage disappointment is to start by naming it. “By naming our disappointments, we allow ourselves to look into ourselves for the source of those feelings, which is actually how one starts to heal,” Crowe says.
Additionally, Crowe recommends talking to friends, family members, or professionals when you need some perspective on your disappointment, or some comfort as you move through the difficult parts of it. But having a plan for dealing with your disappointment is key as well.
"By naming our disappointments, we allow ourselves to look into ourselves for the source of those feelings, which is actually how one starts to heal."
April Crowe, LCSW
“Well-structured strategies help to alleviate the feelings of disappointment and positive thoughts can funnel the disappointment into a motive to better oneself in all areas,” Crowe shares.
Without further ado, let’s look at some tips for managing disappointment in three main contexts: at work, in relationships, and throughout daily life.
Related: Overcoming Resentment in Relationships
At Work
In the workplace, disappointment “can stem from unmet career goals, not receiving a promotion, or feeling unappreciated,” Kushnir says. Here are some tips for managing work-related disappointment.
Acknowledge The Emotion
First, and foremost, you shouldn’t try to push away your feelings if you are dealing with a work-related disappointment. “Rather than suppressing disappointment, recognize how you feel,” Kushnir says. Consider sharing your feelings with a friend, a spouse, or a trusted work colleague.
Set Reasonable Expectations
One of the best ways to alleviate disappointments at work is to set reasonable expectations, says Crowe. “Setting objectives is necessary but regarding unattainable goals or making unreasonable expectations leads one to disappointment,” she explains. “Therefore, it is ideal to tab rational targets and celebrate small accomplishments along the way.”
Seek Feedback
It may take some time before you’re ready—and definitely give yourself time to settle down and be ready—but if you’ve made a mistake or gotten negative feedback, it’s a good idea to check in with your colleagues to understand how to learn from what happened and move forward. “Engage in open communication with your supervisor or peers to understand how you can better meet expectations, which can help redirect frustration into constructive action,” Kushnir suggests.
See Rejection as Redirection
One of the greatest disappointments at work is when you lose a job. Reframing this rejection as a growth opportunity can be a game-changer, says Michelle Beaupre, PhD, LCSW clinical social worker and therapist and clinical director at Villa Oasis. “I love to tell my clients this tip,” she says. “Maybe this job or opportunity wasn't meant for you, but that doesn't mean there isn't something better waiting for you in the future. Once you shift your perspective, you can start to see disappointment as a chance for something new and better.”
Comfort Yourself, Too
Disappointment can unleash a bunch of big feelings. You can reassure yourself that it’s okay to feel upset and frustrated, Beaupre recommends. “Take some time for yourself to acknowledge those emotions, whether it's talking with a friend, journaling, or engaging in self-care activities,” she recommends. “Just make sure not to dwell on your disappointment for too long and find ways to redirect your energy into something positive.”
Related: How to Be Successful in Reaching Your Goals
In Your Relationship
When it comes to the arena of relationships, disappointment is often tied to unmet needs or expectations, says Kushnir. Here are some tips for navigating this.
Communicate Openly
Communication is everything, and it’s something to do as soon as possible when you feel disappointment in a relationship. “Share your feelings with your partner without placing blame,” Kushnir recommends. “Honest conversations about needs and expectations are key to fostering mutual understanding.”
Share Your Feelings Assertively
When you share your feelings of disappointment with a spouse or loved one, you want to concentrate on sharing your feelings as clearly as possible. Don’t beat around the bush or try to lessen your feelings. “One assertively expressing their feelings and needs can avoid any possible misconceptions arising or other such conflicts,” says Crowe.
Set Realistic Expectations
Often, our disappointments in relationships stem from unrealistic expectations of how our partner should be or what our relationships should look like. “Recognize that no partner is perfect, and sometimes, disappointment is a reflection of unmet or unrealistic expectations,” Kushnir suggests. Being mindful of your expectations—and adjusting them when needed—can reduce tension and improve overall connection, she adds.
Practice Empathy
It’s easy to get caught up in the ways that our partners haven’t lived up to our expectations, but a little empathy can go a long way in understanding a partner, and dissolving feelings of disappointment. “Understand that your partner may have their challenges and disappointments,” Kushnir suggests. “Mutual empathy can help the relationship grow stronger after difficult moments.”
Protect Your Peace
It’s important to recognize that not all disappointments can be resolved, and they sometimes point to a larger problem in the relationship, Beaupre points out. "If you find yourself constantly disappointed or let down by a certain person, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and whether it's worth your time and energy,” she says.
Always remember that your peace of mind and happiness are essential and that you shouldn’t have people in your life who constantly disappoint you.
Related: Peace of Mind: How to Find and Keep It
In Your Daily Life
We can’t always control what goes wrong in life. “Life’s everyday disappointments—missed plans, and personal setbacks—are inevitable,” says Kushnir. But there are ways of managing them, which can include some of the following strategies.
Allow Yourself Time to Feel, But Set Some Limits
You’ve got to give yourself the gift of “feeling the feels.” It’s totally fine to feel disappointment, Kushnir says, but don’t let it linger too long. “Give yourself a set time to process the emotions, then take steps to move forward,” she recommends.
Find Healthy Outlets for Emotions
“It is easy to experience disappointment for one reason or another,” says Crowe. “In such cases, it is important to know the appropriate channels through which such feelings can be expressed.” Healthy outlets for feelings of disappointment include writing down your feelings, or talking to a trusted friend or therapist, she notes. Physical movement, like yoga, can be helpful in emotional regulation and boosting self-esteem.
Engage in Self-Care
When you are steeped in feelings of disappointment, it’s good to focus on simple self-care measures to keep yourself grounded, Kushnir recommends. “Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is crucial during moments of disappointment,” she emphasizes. What does that look like? “This could mean exercising, meditating, or simply giving yourself a break,” Kushnir suggests.
Practice Gratitude
“It may sound cliche, but practicing gratitude truly does help shift our mindset from focusing on the negative to appreciating the positive,” Beaupre says. She suggests taking time each day to reflect on things that went well or to acknowledge things you are grateful for. “This will help remind you that there is still good in your life, even when faced with disappointments,” Beaupre explains.
Keep in Mind
Disappointment is a difficult emotion to live with. But the experience can ultimately make you stronger, if you learn to manage your feelings and see the experience as an opportunity for growth. “When individuals can healthily process disappointment, they gain emotional resilience,” says Kushnir. “The key is to accept that setbacks are part of life and to use them as motivation to adapt and grow.”
Of course, navigating disappointment isn’t always something you should do alone. If you need some extra support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed mental health professional.
Read Next: 10 Healthy Ways to Cope With Failure
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
