Moon Unit Zappa Recalls Her Dad Frank Zappa's Final Days, Reveals His Deathbed Message to Her (Exclusive)
In her new memoir, 'Earth to Moon', the actress and author details her stormy relationship with her late parents, from beginning to end
When rock legend Frank Zappa died in 1993 after a years-long battle with prostate cancer, he left a lot of things unsaid, particularly between him and his daughter Moon Unit Zappa. In her new book, Earth to Moon, A Memoir, out Aug. 20 from Dey Street Books, the actress and author details her often-strained relationship with her father, who was emotionally and often physically absent during her childhood.
It wasn't until he got sick that father and daughter finally connected.
"He suddenly wasn't able to tour, so he suddenly was home," Moon, 56, tells PEOPLE of the extended period after Frank was diagnosed. "So I did get the version of the dad that was the same person as he was touring, but at home. And there was still that feeling of disconnect, and isolation, and not being able to have his time, and his attention and just the ability to have reciprocal love and interest."
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Even if she never got the closure she wanted with her father, she did receive a clue that he may have died at peace. "I do remember one moment where he kind of was in this otherworldly state, in a portion of his illness, and he just had this look of wonder on his face, and he just said, 'Wow,'" Moon recalls. "And I don't know what he saw on the other side, but it was something that filled his face with light. I hoped it was indicative of a passing that was peaceful."
In this exclusive excerpt from Earth to Moon, the author recalls a specific moment when she received an unexpected and beautiful message from her father near the end of his life.
HarperCollins
'Earth to Moon, A Memoir' by Moon Unit ZappaI am 25. My father’s cancer is now very public. Life is surreal. I am booked on The Howard Stern Show to reassure the public my father is “fine.”
Howard mentions he’s always found me adorable and “very sexual” and suggests I should show off more of my body, wear bathing suits, miniskirts and a “bippy top” to show off my stomach. Then he asks me if I have made enough money to never have to work again. I say I wish. He says he doesn’t see me doing a lot of things, that I don’t have a regular job. He razzes me pretty hard on this point, then tells anyone who is watching to hire me, that I’m a very qualified dropout and there should be zero problems having me as an employee, wink wink.
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Then my dad calls in to the show and things get weirder. Howard gets my father to agree it would be nice if my siblings and I would stop leeching off of him, stop taking money from him, and get jobs. My father says, “There’s got to be an end to it sometime, Howard.”
This all feels doubly hurtful given my loyalty and sacrifices. Then I tell my father I love him on national television and that I’ll see him back at home.
Back in LA, I resume my caregiver role. Now when Frank calls out to Gail, she seems to respond on a longer and longer delay. I recognize her coping mechanism from his touring days, a defense against his leaving. I take this as my cue to try to achieve a true resolution with Frank instead. I sit beside him in his bedroom. When I begin to try to apologize to him for anything he might be upset about and share my hurt feelings so we can both be at peace when he departs, he musters low-voltage anger and says, “I am too sick to do this, Moon.”
I am truly taken aback. I had no idea someone you love could put an end to how far a relationship could go — this is as close as we will ever be. No negotiating, no mutuality. A stranger maybe, but not a parent. Not your dad. Death is forever. Doesn’t he know you don’t get a second chance at a singular exit? But there it is. A death before a death, one he can live with and I can’t.
But he’s the one with cancer, so I let it drop.
I try to resume my focus on generating peace for him. I rely instead on Ahmet, Dweezil and Diva for laughter and hugs. I still have Roy and June for the occasional infusion of sanity and creativity. But on the day a sweet-faced, energetic actress named Catherine Keener joins my acting class and sits beside me, Roy announces a surprise sabbatical. Then Frank goes from a wheelchair to bedridden.
Gail makes my father give each one of us a letter she has him write on Zappa stationery. Gone are his steady hand and beautiful, perfect penmanship. In a shaky, black-ink chicken scrawl, my envelope says “Moon” with such effort that any lingering denial gives way to the reality of all he has been reduced to, and I feel his agony, and my own, viscerally.
I read my letter.
It says: “I love you, Moon.”
I could not hope for more.
From EARTH TO MOON: A Memoir by Moon Unit Zappa. Copyright © 2024 by Moon Unit Zappa. Reprinted courtesy of Dey Street Books, a division of HarperCollins Publishers.
Earth to Moon, a Memoir will be published on Aug. 20 by HarperCollins and is now available for preorder, wherever books are sold.
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