College football gifts: Nick Saban gets golf tips and Billy Napier a vacation | Toppmeyer

My birthday is nearly here. You should know I gladly accept gifts of nice rum or cheap beer. Also, I’m willing to make room on my bookshelf for a quality read.

And for any loyal readers who might own vacation property in the Caribbean: I love the sun, sand, crystal-clear waters … and tiki drinks. You might also contact Billy Napier. He's going to need a getaway destination.

The true gift, though, is giving back. So, I’m dishing out preseason presents before kickoff arrives.

Here's my gift list:

Greg Sankey: A UNC Tar Heels pennant.

Jim Harbaugh: A vinyl copy of MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This.”

Lincoln Riley: A good realtor.

Kirby Smart: A better fourth-string left guard.

Steve Sarkisian: A healthy running back.

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Brett Yormark: A long weekend in Tijuana.

Paul Finebaum: A one-week vacation from his callers.

Sam Pittman: A two-week vacation to Yellowstone National Park, which I hear is lovely in October.

Clark Lea: A three-week vacation to Portugal, which I hear is lovely in November, with nary a construction crane in sight.

Billy Napier: A monthlong vacation to the Virgin Islands, which I hear are lovely in December.

Kalen DeBoer: A walleye dinner.

Nick Saban: A good caddie.

Butch Jones: A gig as Saban’s intern on “College GameDay.”

Hugh Freeze: A plaque commemorating his 2-4 record (almost 3-3!) against Saban.

Jimbo Fisher: A podcast with Saban called, “Nothing But Narcissists.”

Mike Elko: Fisher’s contract.

Lane Kiffin: A copy of “Wisdom and Things,” coauthored by Blake Toppmeyer.

Jeff Lebby: A copy of “Swing Your Sword,” by Mike Leach.

Mario Cristobal: A copy of “The Art of the Kneel.”

Bobby Petrino: A helmet.

Mike Norvell: A B1G T-shirt.

Dan Lanning: Adidas stock, to balance his portfolio.

Dabo Swinney: A coffee date with Tyler from Spartanburg.

Josh Heupel: Beers with Bob Stoops.

Brian Kelly:Dance lessons with Kim Mulkey.

Shane Beamer: A joyous Gatorade bath following the season opener against Old Dominion.

Mark Stoops: Season tickets to Kentucky basketball.

Pat McAfee: A muzzle.

Robert Griffin III: A job on FOX.

Sam Ponder: A job at OutKick.

Kirk Herbstreit: A meet-and-greet with Phil Mickelson, his egotistical equal.

Stephen A. Smith: A candlelit dinner for two with Saban.

Jalen Milroe: A Heisman Trophy.

Carson Beck: A trip to New York City to see Milroe win the Heisman Trophy.

Garrett Nussmeier: A defense.

Nico Iamaleava: A defense.

DJ Lagway: A red-zone package.

Quinn Ewers: A signed Arch Manning trading card.

Jaxson Dart:Pickleball lessons.

Florida fans: A coaching search.

Eliah Drinkwitz: A phone call from Florida.

Oregon fans: A United Airlines gift card.

UCLA fans: Earmuffs and a scarf.

Alabama fans: A playoff party.

Auburn fans: A signing day party.

Vanderbilt’s fan: A ticket to a fall baseball game.

Tennessee fans: A 44-ounce fountain Mountain Dew, preserved by Pilot.

Texas A&M fans: A victory against Texas.

Texas fans: A victory against Oklahoma.

Oklahoma fans: Directions to Memphis, home of the Liberty Bowl.

Ole Miss fans: Directions to Atlanta.

Georgia fans: A victory parade to celebrate UGA’s heist of the Fulmer Cup.

Athens-Clarke County Police:Overtime pay.

Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network's SEC Columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on Twitter @btoppmeyer.

Subscribe to read all of his columns. Also, check out his podcast, SEC Football Unfiltered, and newsletter, SEC Unfiltered.

This article originally appeared on Knoxville News Sentinel: College football: Gifts to Nick Saban, Lane Kiffin, Billy Napier