Oprah, Gayle King, Brooke Shields, and Other Muses Share Their Secrets to Aging Well
Here at Oprah Daily, we talk a lot about what it means to “age well.” We marvel even as we face fears about irrelevance, invisibility, and our changing bodies that in the second half of life, the opposite is also true—that each passing year makes us bolder, more discerning, and far more comfortable in our skin. In fact, what we have found from talking to the Oprah Daily community and our most influential muses in the 40-plus set is that longevity has as much to do with mental and emotional fortitude as how we move in our bodies—and maybe even more to do with how and with whom we spend our time. Read on for a collection of wisdom from women who make us want to get older so we can be just like them.
Oprah Winfrey, 70
What does “aging well” mean to you? Feeling fit and strong, emotionally and physically, and fully self-aware to the point of self-actualization.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad.The most surprising for me is the level of calm and resolve I feel over things that seem to upset most people. The ability to be “in the world but not of it.”
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? Personal style and vibrant spirit. An ownership of who they are and the wisdom they have to offer. Maya Angelou and Tina Turner are my shining examples. So, too, are Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem.
How do you define beauty these days? Living your truth—your best life from the inside having it reflect your outside.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? Hang in there, girl; the big waves are coming. Learn how to ride!
Connie Britton, 57, actor
What does “aging well” mean to you? My experience tells me that when we age, we have the opportunity to know ourselves more deeply and know the world more deeply, which basically comes from life experience and wisdom. The combination of those two things—knowing ourselves, and ourselves in the world—can really manifest in some great ways. There is a sense of spirit and freedom that comes from it.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad.The surprising part about aging, which seems counter to what I mentioned above, is how your body starts to feel unrecognizable. You spend your life figuring out how your body works, what it needs, and then it changes on you, really dramatically and irreversibly.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? By the time you are in your 40s, 50s, you can start to (if you’re lucky) feel a sense of ease in yourself and a sense of self-knowing. You’re more fearless about what the world thinks of you and can do to you, more solid in your values, strength, and self-hood.
How do you define beauty these days? In essence, aging well has a “giving zero fucks” factor to it that is very real, very tangible. That’s what I see when I see a woman who is “aging well”…this deepening sense of her own power, wisdom, and place in the world. I see it on her face (and, yes, I do believe this helps soften wrinkles!), in the sparkle in her eyes, in her smile, and in her spirit. This internal health and well-being manifest as and exude external health, well-being, beauty, and confidence.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? The thing that is hard, looking back at my 25-year-old self, is how little we know about so many things, but especially about ourselves. And because we don’t have so much life experience yet, we don’t know at that age that not knowing, taking risks, and making mistakes is actually okay and essential.
Gayle King, 69, editor at large, Oprah Daily
What does “aging well” mean to you? I’ve got three words: Health, health, and health!
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad. Aging to me means living…that I’m still here, alert and available. And, sure, your body physically sometimes can’t do all that you want it to do and knees are a little creaky, but that’s okay. I don’t stress that I can’t run as fast or lose weight as quickly as I used to. My main concern is just being fully present. I always want to be able to engage in the world in a meaningful way. I don’t see a downside as long as you are physically able. You find that as you age, you make a point of taking better care of yourself both physically and mentally.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? They live life with no apology and are very comfortable in their own skin.
How do you define beauty these days? Beauty is about looking as good as you feel. Christie Brinkley looks fantastic, I think, because she feels fantastic.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? I do know that most things you worry about end up working themselves out. Maybe if I had known that, I wouldn’t have stressed about the things I can’t even recall or are so insignificant, like when I didn’t make the drill team or I didn’t get that job. You didn’t get the house or the guy you wanted; turns out you got a better house or he was an asshole anyway.
Brooke Shields, 59, actor
What does “aging well” mean to you? Being confident in how far I’ve come, and no longer comparing myself to other people. And surrounding myself with good friends!
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad.My body does not do things it used to, but it’s surprising that it also doesn’t bother me the way it might’ve when I was younger. And that I’m still excited to learn new things.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? Confidence, experience, and supporting other women.
How do you define beauty these days? Celebrating the parts I do like about myself, rather than defining myself based on the things I’m not as satisfied with.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? Don’t waste time thinking less of yourself, or assuming everyone else knows better about yourself than you do.
Bobbi Brown, 67, makeup artist, author, founder
What does “aging well” mean to you? It’s not about how you look but how you feel you look. Because if you are okay with what you look like, that’s half the battle. And then the other battle is how you feel, because you don’t look good if you don’t feel good. And so much of how you feel is about health and wellness. How you take care of yourself. How mobile you are. Sitting in a chair has never made anyone feel engaged or primed for learning and growing and for not being afraid.
Also, aging doesn’t mean wrinkle-free. Wrinkle-free has never been my goal, which is why I don’t do Botox or injectables. This is my personal choice. But what I found that works for me is Sofwave laser, which takes some of the spots away and gives you tightening and lift.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad.My mother was a total glamour-puss. She called me her plain Jane, and I’m finally okay with that at 67. What has surprised me the most is that it’s actually good to get older. I am less annoyed and bothered by things that used to annoy me about myself when it comes to beauty and aging. I am struggling a little bit with my neck. I’m on HGTV and I feel like I look like a shar-pei when I turn my neck.
As for the rest, I don’t have a choice. I’m always going to be a small person. I’m not a matchstick, and that’s okay. You can’t feel bad about that, because that’s not who you are. That’s the body I was born with.
I learned a long time ago that confidence is a comfort in one’s own skin. That’s the secret. Jones Road started this “I am me” campaign. I can’t be anyone else. I’ve tried.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? Confidence. Comfortable with who they are. And honestly? Positive energy. I admire women who have a sense of style. I’m not talking about fashion but more about how a woman wears a ring on her pinkie, or tucks in a men’s white shirt just so. I also learned from my mom, who loved beauty more than fashion. Taking care of her skin. Eye cream on every night.
How do you define beauty these days? Beauty is like jewelry or fragrance. It’s what you’re attracted to. I really love looking at women who have the simplest things going—hair, clothes, and makeup that aren’t too much. Not perfectly quaffed or perfectly made-up. I am more of a vintage Chanel jacket with jeans with a hole person. I have always been a fan of Jennifer Aniston on the red carpet. You never see her in weird things. She will wear a simple black dress with a classic silhouette and straight hair. Jane Birkin, the ultimate ’60s cool girl in a T-shirt and jeans with no makeup and unfussy hair.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? Do weights instead of aerobics and learn how to chill. Just calm down, dude.
Uzo Aduba, 43, actor
What does “aging well” mean to you? Celebrating all that has passed and looking forward with excitement to all that is still to come. Aging gracefully requires not living in regret or focusing on the negative but instead honoring yourself, knowing you’ve come far. You are an incredible miracle. Your life is wide and full of experiences, and so are the stories you will continue to tell.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad. How much less you sweat the small stuff. When you’re younger, you sweat everything, constantly worrying and asking yourself when it will happen. With age comes an understanding of who you really are in the world. You’ve had enough experiences to know everything will be okay, even after the hard and heavy stuff. You gain confidence in knowing things will work out in the end. Even if you’re not where you want to be, there’s an understanding everything will be okay.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? Confidence, wisdom, authenticity, resilience.
How do you define beauty these days? Leaning into one’s authentic self and finding strength in that.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? My mom sent me an email the day before my 27th birthday that has stayed with me my whole life. In the message, she said, “Tomorrow is your big day. You have that Nigerian blood in you, especially your mommy’s blood. We are proud of our age. It is a period of knowledge, wisdom, and appreciation of many things, especially family and reliable friends.” She reminded me that in our culture, we are proud of our age.
I hope young women don’t waste their time feeling like they are losing time by getting older, when the truth is that their world and lives are only just beginning.
Vera Wang, 75, fashion designer
What does “aging well” mean to you? For me, it means only one thing: feeling healthy, physically and emotionally, and that requires deliberate intention and effort. As an ex-elite athlete and lifetime sports lover, I know that being able to still enjoy any physical activity is a blessing, however reduced the effort!
As one ages, emotional stability requires perhaps an even greater effort, and the ability to confront all of life’s issues over which we have little or no control. And that requires support, kindness, and love.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad. Time is a complex concept to fathom. So is loss. Perhaps the most surprising part of how long life can feel is how short it actually is. At a certain moment, the various chapters assume even more significance, as they cannot be duplicated, forgotten, or diminished. Nor can the truly memorable connections you make along the way.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? I always admire women with heart, courage, and decency, and that may involve many different journeys. One story is not more important than another. Each of us is living our own reality, with trials and triumphs large and small.
How do you define beauty these days? For someone who has devoted nearly two decades working at a women’s magazine and 35 years creating my own company—most significantly known for dressing women on the most important day of their lives—beauty, now more than ever, is in the eye of the beholder, and there can be no one standard or definition.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? Believe in your own uniqueness and be open to this adventure called life, no matter how overwhelming.
Veronica Webb, 59, writer, model
What does “aging well” mean to you? It means strength. The easiest part of that equation is physical strength and doing whatever I can to maintain a strong body. And then there is the mental piece. I have to ask myself: Is what I’m doing adding to my mental, physical, and spiritual well-being? What am I listening to or watching right now? What are the choices I’m making? I could kill a half an hour looking in the mirror at flaws on my skin or get lost in negative thoughts, or I could take a walk instead.
Getting good at recognizing the impact other people’s negative stuff has on you and putting a limit on it. There is only so much you can take on before it effects you.
The good thing about aging is that you’ve had enough experience to know what’s foolish and what’s wise, what’s pleasure and what’s excess. You kind of have no excuse, and by this age, you have the experience to know how to take care of yourself.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad. What I’ve found most surprising is being in your 50s—if you are lucky enough where the stars aligned and you built a career, a home, a marriage, a family—and wondering what to hope for. I come from a goal-oriented and success-driven family and environment. I hit a point where I was asking myself what my life markers were at this stage of life when you’re not going to have any more children, you aren’t going to build another home, your career is set even if now you are thinking of at some point modifying your career to fit your age. I sort of felt adrift. And then there is menopause. It’s my second puberty. It’s such a curveball because estrogen is the ultimate drug.
The other part of it is the little aches and pains. I thought that would never be me. But there they are. And then that goes back to building strength. You have to have a base to operate from, to heal and repair from.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? They love their lives. They don’t berate themselves. They look at what they have that’s good rather than what they have that’s not perfect. They are kind because they have the maturity to listen with patience and speak thoughtfully.
When I do see kindness and beauty, I always make it a point to compliment women, and especially older women because older women can feel invisible. One day I was walking down the street and I saw a woman who had a beautiful shock of gray hair and had that Comme des Garçons look going on. I went up to her and said, “You really look stunning.” She stopped in her tracks and had tears in her eyes.
As for women I admire… Oprah, Carmen Dell’Orefice—the model is 93 and still doing it. Mrs. Obama—talk about taking time off to support your family. Michelle Yeoh, Billie Jean King, and Kris Jenner, who makes lemonade out of lemons and turns straw into gold.
How do you define beauty these days? Beauty is there to make me happy. Me. Whatever you do in the precious little time you get to spend on yourself, don’t do it to impress anyone else or fit in. I’m just so glad the tyranny of skinny jeans is over.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? You will never have what you have today again. So cherish today. A couple of years ago when I was in the throes of menopause and so symptomatic with melasma and hot flashes, my then-18-year-old daughter said, “I know this is rough, but you will never have again what you have today.” You think about how puberty is a distant memory that you can laugh at. I know menopause will be that distant memory as well, but when you are in throes of it, you think it will never end. Because when hormones take over the brain, all bets are off and the house always wins.
Emily Morse, 54, sex therapist, author, and podcast host
What does “aging well” mean to you? Aging well is living well, something I’ve always been curious about and focused on. Aging well means I have meaningful, deep friendships and community and prioritize these relationships. I notice how much my friendships impact my overall well-being, especially at this age, and bring me more joy, ease, and fulfillment.
I have realistic expectations about what I can do and what I can’t do, and I’m okay with all of it.
Being self aware, managing my limiting beliefs and negative thoughts.
Prioritizing sleep, moving my body (walking is fantastic; no need to run, ever), eating foods that make me feel good and avoid the ones that keep me up at night or make me feel tired. Also, hydration, lifting weights, therapy, and nature.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad. It doesn’t feel that different. I spend very little time (if any) thinking about aging or my age.
The adage “Wherever you go, there you are” rings true. I’m the same person today as I was 20 years ago, but with more knowledge, wisdom, and experience. I have more confidence that I’ll get through challenging times, so the curveballs don’t throw me as much. I have no doubt that “this too shall pass” and it really will “all be okay” without it feeling like a platitude. Nothing feels like the end of the world anymore. I’m able to, more quickly, tell the difference between what’s important and what isn’t and move on to the next. I have fewer worries and concerns and can shift into the present with more ease.
I’m able to feel my way through grief and sadness more efficiently, rather than numbing and delaying, which means I’m able to move toward gratitude and presence a lot easier.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? Older women I admire are having fun, playing, prioritizing community and friendships, and they are effortlessly themselves, more confident and generous in all ways. My mom is 83 and she’s always challenging herself to make new friends, try new activities, and travel. I’ve never once heard my mother say she feels old or limited, and her attitude deeply resonates with me.
How do you define beauty these days? Beauty is confidence and originality, without fear and self-doubt. I’m much more drawn to people who are infinitely curious about themselves and the world around them and aren’t afraid to experiment or take risks and shake up what they know to continue to live a more fulfilling life.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? Trust yourself; you’re on the right path and you will find your purposeful impact on the world around you.
Jenny Mollen, 45, actor, writer
What does “aging well” mean to you? Low cholesterol, the ability to keep up with my kids, and good skin.
What’s the most surprising part of aging? Good or bad. Mentally, you never stop feeling 16.
When you look at older women you admire the most, what are the common denominators? Confidence, style, and sort of a “no fucks given” attitude.
How do you define beauty these days? Beauty can be spiritual, emotional, or just simply having the cheeks of my 6-year-old son.
What piece of advice would you give to your 25-year-old self? Go naked.
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